km	Splits	Lap	Av. Speed (km/hr)	Distance
5	00:32:31	00:32:31	10	5
10	01:03:30	00:30:59	10	5
15	01:34:40	00:31:09	9	5
20	02:07:434	00:32:53	9.4	5
Half Way (21.3)	02:13:27	00:05:53	8.1	0.9
25	02:38:59	00:25:32	9.4	4.1
30	03:09:21	00:30:22	9.2	5
35	03:39:48	00:30:27	8.3	5
40	04:09:08	00:29:19	9.9	5
Finish (41.9)	04:20:26	00:11:17	10.7	1.9

secure this!

This morning had me pondering security guards, and their levels of expertise.

The company I work indirectly for has a number of office locations. Each one has security guards with various levels of "professionalism".

For example: The security guards in the "mother ship" are sharp and focused. Nothing gets past them. You can't try to slip past them using someone else's pass. In fact most of the time you can't slip past them using your own. I have tried to bluff them with the albatross gag but this only met with me being striped searched and prodded with gloved hands.

The guards in my old office. Tried to be professional but where very bad at it. It was a semi "project" office, so no one of real importance was there. This meant there was not a lot of staff. So this meant that security would be able to remember faces. But did they acknowledge you as a living breathing person? No way! They always made me feel as if I was up to something. I my case I probably was.

Security in my newly located office. Is casual and friendly. They say "good morning" and "enjoy your weekend". I like them. When the first days of summer hit and I get to wheel out the bbq, they will definitely be on the list.

The security staff of our old, old office (where phil is stationed temporarily) are another breed. We call this office "where you go to die". The guards here are friendly and very laid back. One person I used to work with forgot his pass one morning so he substituted with the nearest thing to hand: an apple. The met with a knowing nod from the guard.

Clearly this is failing security 101. Apple does not equal security pass.

Cat amongst pigeons

After spending the last couple of weeks documenting support procedures and processes, I find this morning that it's all up in the air again. There was "a big meeting in Amsterdam", whereby a decision was made to bypass a whole department, and come directly to 2nd Line Support. And it needs to be in place by Monday. And can we have a help desk in place, manned from 11pm each night, thanks.

Well, the last "big meeting in Amsterdam" I had involved copious amounts of alcohol, and a few tokes of the funny stuff. It seems that same has transpired here. And unless we have the powers of a Jedi Knight and the conviction of a Jehovah’s Witness, there's a fat chance in fit farm that this will be done.

Ah, Friday, So good....

Manchester Chicken

I was dawdling around this afternoon, trudging through my numerous documentation tasks, and decided to write a tribute to my favourite Indian dish, Manchester Chicken...


Roses are red
chickens are white
gotta get me some
Manchester chicken tonight

Those hypnotic aromas
attack my senses
I belch for joy
as my tummy tenses

The taste sensation
is oh so divine
when it's complemented
with a good bottle of wine

As it hits my palate
I go hard like a mallet
I'm flying like a mofo
who's clubbing down in Soho

I can't go on talking
'cos the chicken will go walking
this life is meant for eating

(mouth full, can't talk anymore)

Ode of the Day

"Rage"

Is that a Koala bear ?
What the fark do I care ?
Have I chatted with Sir Les ?
Do you know farkin' Father Ted ?

I don't have a roo
back in Wooloomoloo
I don't know Peter Harvey
or put shrimps on the barbie

I just travellin Aussie
Tryin to hang with the posse
It's hard face John Howard
is our most publicised coward

Have you met Posh and Becks ?
Are you a Beafeater with a frilly neck ?
If not, you see where I stand
Alone, not holding Paul Hogan's hand

Frapping in the park

Me and Damo had a Frappaccino in a little park just off Bishopsgate this afternoon. The sun was out, and birds were doing what they do, like tweeting and pooing on the heathens.

We discussed the proliferation of bad poetry and the need for more Quantum Physics in pre-school. These intense discussions were interrupted by a madman sitting nearby on the grass. He was fervently putting across what seemed to be an argument about Jesus Christ, Mary Magdalene, and Carlsberg Premium. I’d like to offer more on the debate, however I couldn’t make out his point due to the strange Tourette-like dialect he was using.

Where are the birdies when you need them.

friday's thoughts

It's a god-awful small affair
To the girl with the mousy hair
But her mummy is yelling "No"
And her daddy has told her to go
But her friend is nowhere to be seen
Now she walks through her sunken dream
To the seat with the clearest view
And she's hooked to the silver screen
But the film is a saddening bore
For she's lived it ten times or more
She could spit in the eyes of fools
As they ask her to focus on

Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man! Look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the Lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?

It's on Amerika's tortured brow
That Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow
Now the workers have struck for fame
'Cause Lennon's on sale again
See the mice in their million hordes
From Ibeza to the Norfolk Broads
Rule Britannia is out of bounds
To my mother, my dog, and clowns
But the film is a saddening bore
'Cause I wrote it ten times or more
It's about to be writ again
As I ask you to focus on

Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man! Look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the Lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?

Drinkin' in the Dam

I am in Amsterdam today, doing a client workshop and attending some meetings.

I initially checked into the hotel at about 9pm last night, thinking I should stay in and have a quiet one. Eventually the lure of dinner and drinks with the client and members of my team overpowered me and I subsequently headed out for a bite.

Good thing was that we didn't dwell on the work thing too much - always a temptation in this predicament. We ended up hunting down some late night bars and I managed to stay out well past my bedtime. I don't remember getting back to the hotel, but apparently it was about 4am. Apparently.

And as I prepare for the afternoon workshop, my head is pounding and I am breaking out into sweats. As long as I can keep the dialogue flowing and I make at least a tiny scrap of sense I'll be right.

Rock and Roll

Wine, idiots, and green grass

I had a few glasses of white wine with Damo last night. It was great to catch up, as we reside in separate offices temporarily whilst I have started on this new project.

Whilst we plundered our way through a smooth Sauv Blanc and some fine tapas, he asked me how things were, and I said fine. I concluded that even though some of the people I work with/for now can be safely classified as idiots (only one or two, the rest are really nice actually), at least they are a fresh set of idiots, rather than the same small subset of old idiots I was exposed to over the last four years.

An interesting aside to the argument of “the grass isn't always greener on the other side”.

Fresh idiots - what a novel thought.

server outage

the server was down, and it made me frown.

Use Case rage

Today I went to a workshop to confirm business requirements with our client, for a new project I have just started working on. One of the activities on the agenda was to go through each use case in detail, allocating roles to each attendee, and acting out scenarios as specified in the requirements. I felt like Drama classes all over again – splendid.

All was going well, as we sat around the table sporting fluorescent Post-It notes with our respective titles. However things got a bit heated during one role play. One of the actors disagreed with one use case so much that he refused to act out his part. He held onto the fictitious “document”, unwilling to perform his duty to submit the document to the other party, who by now sat dejected at the other end of the table, hand outstretched in apathetic deliverance.

“If I hand this over, it is wrong, and I refuse to play this part!” the actor exclaimed, despite pleas from the others that it was only “a game” and he should just go through with it. After all, the whole point of the exercise was to identify these flaws and re-specify accordingly.

But as I watched the redness creep up from under his collar and cover his already balding pate, it seemed this meant nothing to him. It was about integrity, sticking to your guns, validating your belief systems.

I’m starting to like this new role.